IS MARRIAGE AN ACHIEVEMENT?

by - November 18, 2017



Is marriage really an achievement? This is a question that has been echoing for a while now in my mind. Marriage is an institution where two people come together and decide to spend the rest of their lives together, through thick and thin. It is an institution, which has been painted for so long as the next best thing that can ever happen to anyone;which everyone should endeavour to make a reality. It is meant for companionship, partnership, deriving joy, having a sense of fulfilment and of course, having unlimited access to sex. At least, that is what it has been painted as. But the sad news is, it is not always what it seems to be.


So many people enter into this sacred institution with little or no knowledge about it, going into it with false expectations which always gets shattered after realising that it was all a mirage. So boy meets girl,both fall in love and after the usual marital rites, decides to journey into forever together. Great news right? They've fulfilled that sacred rite that automatically qualifies them as responsible people who should be looked up to according to the society standard. But is that really what this great institution is all about? We even hear words like ' don't worry, when you get married everything will fall in place' where did this even come from? I stand to be corrected though; but is there a supernatural element tied to this institution called marriage that I do not know of? If you can't fix yourself now, why go into it with false expectations thinking everything will automatically work itself out?

There are so many people who do not  know the sole purpose of this institution, but every Saturday, we are always bombarded with the colourful asoebis all over. It's not always their fault remotely, most of them have been pressured into seeing marriage as the greatest achievement ever. As a result of this, the rate of divorce has been on the high side, and we keep wondering what exactly went wrong;when the fundamental intricacies of marriage have been abused. And in the Nigerian society, it is always the 'ogun aye' factor meaning (metaphysical forces) that is responsible for this misfortune.  How typical!

.I have come up with some set of people who needs to work on their personality before considering the word MARRIAGE:
 
1. The Emotionally Immature Adult(which can be otherwise known as little prince or princess syndrome)

These sets of people do not have a mind of their own, they are always indecisive and can never be trusted to make major decisions. They are considered as adults by every standard, but still helplessly cling to their parents, seeking their validations in all facet of their lives. Now, it's not a bad thing to include one's parents in one's personal life, but when it gets to making major decision that you will ultimately be the one to live with the result of that decision, then it is important to have a stance in it. 

As for the ladies in this category, they thrive better when their parents most especially their mothers chooses a spouse for them isn't this laughable? For the boys in this category, they depend solemnly on their parents approval before proposing to the lady they've been dating for so many years. I don't understand this, if you're already having doubts about the woman you intend to spend the rest of your life, why seek your parents validation as if they would be the ones to live in that matrimony with you? So when they eventually refuse, and give series of reasons you can't get married to her, you will readily push the blame on them. In some cases,some will be pressurised to take the bold step and damn all the consequences. It is always 'my mummy says' or 'Daddy thinks'. What happens when little misunderstanding occurs? Marriage is not a bed of roses, there are bound to be challenges, for how long will the parents keep settling these differences? They will not be here forever, so why not start making decisions that feels right instead of desperately seeking validation.

2. The Superstitious/Myopic Minded Ones

These sets of people believes there is a supernatural element tied to marriage that readily brings good fortune. A story broke out one time about a man who insisted on the dissolution of his marriage. After much prying, it was discovered that the reason behind the man's insistence was because of something flimsy like his wife having 'bad legs' a term in Nigeria which transliterates into being an embodiment of misfortune. It is a general belief in Yoruba land that there is a certain blessing attached to marriage which a woman often time possesses . So the man got married to her with this mindset, but alas! His hope was dashed.  It was later discovered that the man had accrued a huge amount of debt prior to the wedding, in order to impress the guests invited. So, he spent the first few months of his married life off setting the debt, which his wife didn't help with by the way; which as a result affected his business. Of course, his wife had to be a witch, if not; she would have used the midas touch she possessed to turn his situation around. A situation that could have been well avoided . Whatever happened to having an intimate wedding? It still beats my imagination the way folks spend heavily on a wedding ceremony these days.

3. The Desperate Ones      
                                                               
These sets of people are so headstrong about having a title attached to their names. The society has encouraged the view that for a man or a woman to be well respected,he/she has to be married. Hence,the societal pressure sets in. For some women, they turn pretence into their God's given talent, they cook, clean, and of course perform every sex style just to keep a man. At the end of the day when the man breaks off the relationship, they start saying things like 'all men are scum'. Really?you weren't forced to cook and clean for him, you only assumed you were one hundred percent wife material, not knowing that you were only exhibiting one hundred percent traits of a maid. 

As for the sex part, why do some women always feel used when the relationship goes awry? You both enjoyed the sex, he didn't force himself on you; you only assumed wrongly that it was going to lead to marriage, so what exactly is the fuss about? For those who are 'lucky enough' to get that 'huge 'rock:ring(all sarcasm intended) they see it as the greatest achievement in life and slowly start exhibiting their real character few months into the marriage . 

There are also some men who are desperate for this title, but the society is harder on the women, hence the emphasis on them.

4. Those Who Believes In The Archaic Ideologies Concerning Marriage

These sets of people believes so much in the laid down culture and tradition, and would never be caught dead going against it. They believe a gender is automatically fit for a specific role, why not have the view of whoever is fit for the task should carry it out. I'm talking about men who assumes that women are born with a cooking and cleaning gene, is that the only thing a woman is created for? What stops a man from doing this? Why should he feel emasculated for partaking in the chores of the house he lives in with his wife? Where is the love? 

As for the women in this category, they can't part with their money, they believe a man has to pay all the bills without rendering any support. Their popular mantra is 'my money is my money, and my husband's money is our money' this mindset is really disturbing and totally wrong. If you earn more than your husband, you should automatically shoulder more responsibility  with your man supporting with what he has .And if you earn lesser than him, you should also be willing to contribute in your own little way. But that doesn't mean a man should abuse this, some men hide under the disguise that since their women earn higher than them, they should be the ones doing everything without contributing a dime; it's bad. Both couple should be financially independent and supportive. Marriage is all about partnership.  The responsibilities attached to it should be divided equally.

In conclusion, marriage is not an achievement, if you're not yet married and you think you're a failure because of this, then you need to change your mindset fast. It is better to be single, enjoying every seconds of it than rushing into a marriage where you will constantly be in sorrow. Though there are some Marriages that have stand the test of time and are still waxing stronger, there are also some who paint a perfect picture;but do you really know the pain behind their facade?Develop yourself, work on your personality and most importantly be financially independent.  Marriage is not an automatic free reliever to your financial burdens.  Marriage is overrated and a very risky venture;so your ultimate goal in life should be to be happy.

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