by - December 05, 2017


A wife material according to the society standard is often time a woman who is great at cooking and cleaning, who nurtures and can never stop giving,who is humble and respects her man constantly (now, respect used here is always what a woman is being taught to show her man in order to massage his ego. Most times; not what a man shows his woman wholeheartedly in some cases).

A woman who is overtly submissive and can never make any contrary opinion, a woman who can give up her dream, career or ambition just to be a stay at home mum because that is her greatest accomplishment in life. A woman who can endure every physical, emotional and psychological abuse because it's a man's world and in order to be referred to as a good woman has to stay put in her marriage and hope her man doesn't kill her someday.

She is a woman who is expected to be emotionally mature and should always turn blind eyes to the philandering ways of her husband because African men are polygamous in nature. She is a woman who  should never complain about not being sexually satisfied in bed and  should instead kill her sexual urges and transfer all her love to her children. She is a woman who should always ask her man for permission before making new friends. She is a woman who should gladly give up her identity that has been a part of her life for so many years and wholeheartedly take up her husband's surname because it shows that she is submissive to her man. She is a woman who should always strive hard to make her man happy even when she is losing part of herself in the process. All these attributes are what our mothers exhibited in the past, that made them to be referred to as good wives and mothers of those days.

But, when a woman defies all these attributes and believes a she should be her own individual who doesn't have to give up her identity, her career and can as a matter of fact be opinionated, who believes the level of respect she shows her man should be shown to her in equal proportion. A woman who sees herself as being equal to her husband and doesn't have to endure the physical, psychological and emotional abuse meted out on her to be called a good wife and mother according to the society standard.Can she still be referred to as a wife material? How does the society view this type of woman? She is often time seen as an arrogant woman who will definitely end up old and lonely because no man likes it when his authority is being challenged.

This brings me to the question of what marriage is really all about. Is marriage supposed to be a master/servant relationship where a man gets to exerts his authority as the 'head of the house' irrespective of the fact that whenever he makes a wrong decision, his family will be at the receiving end?. Isn't it supposed to a partnership because two people have agreed to spend the rest of their lives together? I don't understand the rationale behind the fact that for a marriage to be successful, a woman has take up the Messiah form, because it is her greatest failure as a woman if she can't keep her marriage. If her man should cheat on her, she has to take the blame, because she is definitely not doing something right which led her man outside and has to understand the fact that all men are polygamous in nature.

As a result of all these attributes, which is expected from a woman by the society; we no longer have women who are true to themselves or better put,women who exhibit their true characters like their male counterparts because of the gender expectations that has been placed on them. That is why we have bitter women all over who promote misandry and not what true feminism entails, they always see men as scum, animals,beasts and what  have you because of what they've experienced in the hands men. (But the truth is, not all men are scum. There are still so many good men out there). They are women who have been taught that the best way to secure a man is to be homely (a woman who has to exhibit every attributes listed above to be called a wife material) but resentment will always set in when in spite of all these qualities, the marriage or relationship fails.

Some of our young girls these days no longer have an identity of their own, whatever they do is always remotely connected to how to get a man. They regurgitate every lesson they have internalised from the society, if they can't keep up with the qualities, they resort to pretence in order to make the man see them as the standard 'wife material'. This still beats my imagination,because I don't understand why a woman is supposed to act in a certain way and aspire to marry while the man doesn't have to go through all these.

The society will thrive better when the burden of gender expectations isn't placed on any sex. A wife material is only a word coined by some misogynists who expects that a woman should act in a certain way to be viewed as a perfect being by the society. Both men and women should possess  good qualities that qualifies them for marriage, pressure should never be put on any gender.

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  1. I love this...
    The issue here in our part of the world is that only a few girls are awake! The world is changing, and personally, I don't like and wouldn't wanna wound up with a programmed girl, someone who's gonna live like she's running on a software programming,I just find it boring and pitiful, how our moms live their lives on a routine.
    Let girls wake up, and not succumb to this kinda life just for...
    ...let girls just change too!

  2. That's the spirit Seyi. Thank you.