THE ANGUISH, AGONY AND THE TRAVAILS OF A SINGLE MOM

by - October 11, 2018

She's hurting, she's drained, she's weak, she's tired. She needs closure, but she's not strong enough to let go. She wants to fight back this minute and tell him to go to hell, but she's crawling back to him the next minute craving his validation and attention unabashedly; forgetting her resolution to never contact him again. She feels herself going, losing every bit of herself in the process, but she has absolutely no control over it. She wants to scream out loud and cut all ties with him, but when she looks at the little bundle of the constant reminder of their sexual consent, her heart melts in awe and then she breaks her promise and the cycle continues all over again.


     Was he ever in love with her? This has become her favourite pastime question. Was there ever a time he was smitten by her? Why in God's name was he acting so cold? Yes, they made love out of wedlock and even went as far as producing a beautiful baby out of it. But should that really serve as a stumbling stone to her happiness? She knows he would never belong to her, but she just needs him to be there for their child. She's freaking tired of getting everything done! She says daily, but the silence remains defeaning. Why can't she have it all? She relinquished her power just so to please him, to make him stay. She allowed him walk all over her self esteem brutally, without putting up a fight. But still, he keeps on ignoring her like a total stranger. Where exactly did she go wrong?

Sex is a powerful tool of love which could either make or mar someone when not careful. Perhaps, if she had protected herself and thought about how difficult it could get to raise a child, she would have never found herself in this position of self doubt and sadness. But she could have terminated that precious foetus at its early stage, to save herself from the stress attached to it. But then, she decided to wear her big girl pants and carried the foetus to full term; shunning every backlash she got from everyone who decided to have a say in her life. At the end of it, all she got in return was frustration and disappointment.

So who is really to be blamed here? She,for consenting into a pleasurable activity, or the dead beat dad who decided to abandon  his responsibility? Why must she suffer the consequence of their escapades alone?

Maybe her mother was correct when she told her that the society had a way of justifying the wrong doings of men terming it as being normal,but ripping apart an unfortunate woman who ever dares to do such. So as a result of this, she as a woman has a duty to always protect herself  and take responsibility for her actions without whining just to avoid criticism from the society.  If only the same pressure mounted on the female folks to be of good conduct from a very young age had also been instilled into the male folks,maybe, just maybe we would all be sane by now.

Her mother never really had the real talk about sex education with her. She deemed it unfit to discuss such with her precious baby girl, substituting the various parts of the sex organs with different names entirely.  Her father wasn't any better, she ended up in a church for deliverance as a preteen when she asked her father for the meaning of maturbation.She grew up with the bleak knowledge of getting pregnant once a guy touches her. There were so many questions she wanted to ask her parents, like the strange sensation she felt down there when her uncle touched her during the holidays.  She wanted to ask how she was supposed to deal with the opposite sex when she starts battling with her feelings. But she drove everything aside, not wanting to risk being called a loose girl.

She would later meet her source of constant worry who complimented everything about her. First it began with light kisses. It later graduated into heavy touches which reawakened the sensation she felt down there many years ago. No, her mother lied.

She was deceived into thinking just a slight touch from a guy could actually make her pregnant, when all she experienced was indescribable sensation.  So, when he suggested they take things a little further to spice up their relationship;  she refused at first telling him about her fears. But he had his way with words, he told her blankly " I'm only going to put the tip in" and so she consented. That marked the beginning of their several escapades. She never knew about practicing safe sex, it never occurred to her to insist on a condom or to make use of safe birth control pills. She only relied on using Schweppes and alabukun immediately after intercourse. That worked for her friends, so she couldn't be an exception.

The story changed months later when her stomach started protruding. She felt betrayed and disappointed. She had failed everyone. The society should be held responsible for this misfortune. Who actually came up with the idea of shielding the girl child from any discussion related to sex so as not to corrupt her? Why must she bear the shame and suffering all by herself.

Why can't she have it all and be happy? Her parents are not left out. They have failed her and she in turn has failed herself and has to deal with the constant rejection.

Since she's old enough to have sex, she should be ready to face the result.

This is just one out of the experiences our female teenagers/ youths face today. Most of them are not equipped with the right information, and always tend to go astray when not properly guided. The psychological trauma that comes with having an unwanted baby isn't limited to female folks only. The male folks also experience this, the only difference is that the society is always lenient on them.

Parents,educate your children today. Do not wait until they start asking their peers in school about condoms. They should be equipped with first hand information about sex from you. Do not mince words with them. Do not deceive them by telling them sex is demonic. Let them understand that sex is a beautiful activity created by God, which must never be abused. Teach them about practicing safe sex when they are already sexually active. Let them know abstinence is the best form of protection, but if they ever renege on their celibacy promise, they should protect themselves properly. Tell them about the diseases out there which must be avoided by all means.

You can never be with them always, so, always reinforce the importance of practicing safe sex. Above all, be your children's best friend.

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5 comments

  1. Wow! I love this piece!
    But, well, I think a lot of parents aren't qualified for parenting... Making a child isn't the same as nurturing, it's easy for some to just produce the child and leave him or her for the society to nurture... Once, I heard a woman say her daughter will learn life's lessons on the streets.
    Parents need to improve on themselves, then, be better parents.
    Prospective parents should be evaluated before even starting a family...
    Just my thought though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I absolutely share your sentiment your Seyi,you've raised a very crucial point which I intend to write on soon. So make sure you stick around. Thank you for stopping by.

      Delete
    2. I absolutely share your sentiment your Seyi,you've raised a very crucial point which I intend to write on soon. So make sure you stick around. Thank you for stopping by.

      Delete
  2. Only by obtaining good information and making rational decisions for themselves can young people become responsible parent.
    Parent should equip thesemlves with the knowledge of havighurst developmental task to be able to adequately prepare the child at each stage of the child developnental processes.Developmental task is a task which arise at or about a certain period in life unsuccessful achievement of which leads to inability to achieve task associated with the next period or stage in life..
    Interesting piece!

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    Replies
    1. I appreciate your feedback. Thank you for stopping by.

      Delete