by - May 11, 2019

I heard a story one time in school about a guy who refused to pay up a sex worker he had earlier picked up and had sex with all through the night. They had agreed on the amount to be paid, only for the guy to renege on the agreement by offering her half of the money he initially promised the lady the following day. All hell was let loose. The lady protested vehemently against the fee she has been offered. She created a scene by shouting to everyone who cared to listen that she was being cheated unjustly. Some passersby had to intervene by asking the lady what happened. She explained to them about the amount she charged the guy to spend the night with him which was ten thousand naira and which he consented to, but to her greatest surprise, she was offered five thousand naira as opposed the agreed amount.

The guy was asked why he reneged on his agreement, and he stated emphatically that he wasn't going to pay more than the amount he had already offered the lady. He argued weakly that they(the lady and him) both enjoyed the sex all through the night so why was he supposed to pay the full price? He kept calling the lady all sorts of demeaning names associated with her profession just to bully her into leaving the place in shame. But the lady stood her grounds, saying defiantly that she wasn't bothered about all those names. The guy's friend had to later bail him out when the insults from people were becoming too intense. The lady, on the other hand, walked away from the scene confidently with her full price.

What exactly is transactional sex? It is simply a sexual relationship that occurs in exchange or transfer of goods, services, or money. Let it be noted that this term is not strictly limited to sex workers and those who patronize them. All over the world, people engage in this type of "transaction" irrespective of their gender just to gain something in return. It could either be a gift, favor or monetary value.

Another instance could a beautiful, young lady who works for a firm where she gets paid the sum of seventy thousand naira monthly, but lives in an apartment of over seven hundred thousand naira yearly which her salary cannot obviously afford but clearly lives the baby girl's life funded secretly or even openly by some big "god" somewhere.

It could a good looking hunk blessed with the appropriate six packs that makes so many heads turn, who resides in Abuja without a clear source of income, but drives the latest model of cars, lives in a posh apartment and drips of that finesse that makes him being referred to as a proper gentleman but whose lifestyle is ultimately funded by the wife of a top politician there in Abuja.

She could also be a young undergraduate in a relationship with a guy she's not really keen on spending the rest of life with, but who places her on a monthly allowance, gets her the latest model of iPhone and she in exchange spends the weekend at his place, cooking, cleaning and making love with him all through the weekend and not also forgetting the fact that she has to sleep with some wrinkled, old man with body odour in her department to pass a certain course she has been failing since 100 level just because the man deems it fit. All these scenarios I've explained up there are some of the issues associated with transactional sex. Now that I've given different scenarios of transactional sex, I will like us to examine some points below.

A few months ago, Falz the bad guy made mention of his hatred for transactional sex which some ladies involve in just to survive. Remember, when the term "Transactional Sex" is being mentioned, a woman always readily comes to mind even though some guys actively participate in this practice. If we are to look past the religious/moral decibel of this statement that judges those ladies who engage in this practice, one cannot help but point out how patriarchy has played a vital role for this racket to keep flourishing.  Isn't it surprising to note that there is always a big ruckus for the supply of this "transaction" rather than the "demand" of it? Who are those sleeping with these ladies in exchange for money, an employment offer, a contract deal,  good grades, a mansion on the island? Please, I need an answer.

Most Nigerian male artistes always confidently sing about the amount of money they have in their bank accounts just to make a lady say yes to their advances, but we will always raise our eyebrows and start calling these same ladies demeaning names when they start demanding for either monetary or material value in exchange of the relationship.  Isn't this laughable? Even Falz the bad guy is guilty of this act. Whatever happened to practicing what you preach?

The culture of the payment of bride price in Africa in my own opinion simply signifies that a woman has a new master. This signifies the total control and possession over the woman whose bride pride has been paid. I know some may argue that the payment of bride price is symbolic but isn't this transactional? In some tribes in Nigeria, a man has to pay as high as one million naira or even more than that for bride price. Is this not ridiculous?

The issue of transactional sex is not in any way one-sided or common of one gender, and most ladies who involve in this have either been brainwashed by the society that the only way they can live a good life is to make use of their sexual wiles in order to survive. These sexual wiles otherwise known as bottom power is no power at all because the lady either a sex worker, a sugar baby living a baby's life or any lady at all involved in this will always be at the constant mercy of the provider in order to survive. Others might have been pushed into this act unjustly just to survive.

Furthermore, we need to tackle the root cause of this practice which is patriarchy in order to have a flourishing society where no one has to rely on the power of sex just to survive. Our musicians most especially the males need to stop bragging about the amount of money they have in their songs because the little ones are listening and watching, and they will grow up one day, thinking that "Transactional sex& is clearly a way of life. I know there is always a matter of choice because some women are living well without relying on their sexual wiles, but we still cannot overemphasize the importance of tackling the root cause of this.

Finally, the society has a lot of work to do by reinforcing the importance of hard work and getting rid of the various patriarchal systems that have clearly bedeviled the society, hence, making it difficult for women to rise above the various forms of oppressions mitigating against them.

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  1. Sleight, I would say. Indeed, the concatenation behind the so called 'transactional sex' has been revealed and accompanied with possible solutions by you.
    It is nice seeing someone with such passion towards the advancement of a dream world.

  2. You have said well my dear, but it is pitiful that we find ourselves in our society, where we keep hammering issues incessantly like we're trying to speak to a deaf person... Transactional sex, like you explained, has taken many forms, and patriarchy is for sure the root cause, but... the females too ain't helping, why is it that in a world where there's chance and choice, someone will still cut corners, resort to demeaning options and blame it on government or whatever...
    I for one can't fuck or be fucked in order to butter up any endeavor, I'll rather take the high road, and I know you too; you stand for integrity and honest results, and there are plenty others like that too who has their conscience intact... The world will never be fair, but we all have choices or choice, on how we'll live, even though we didn't choose where we were born in, we still can choose how to heal our world by healing ourselves first!
    Just my thought though, guess I haven't seen the world enough...